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Anxiety and Forgiveness

§0 Website

0.0 Added some unicode symbols to some of my writings and cleaned up the css.

§1 Forgiveness

1.0 Forgiveness is an acknowledgement between individuals or groups that one has hurt the other but that the person(s) wronged is choosing to stop thinking about it. The value of forgiveness is not only that it calms the mind of the person(s) that messed up but also that it allows closure on a story similar to funeral or a court verdict.

1.1 It allows for perpetrator(s) and victim(s) to think to themselves "yea, what I did was bad/what was done to be was bad but I can stop reorganizing in my mind what happened, thinking about how I can fix it, what more I need to do, or how I could have been justified". When the hurt has been acknowledged one story can exist between the victim and perpetrator on what happened and what will happen going forward. The memories don't have to be exactly the same between the two people on what happened but agreeing to a shared narrative allows the two people to build on the same narrative. They may be building in different directions but at least they are living in the same reality. Reality is the story we put ourselves in (§3).

1.2 I don't follow the news (distracts from more important trends and sources of information, community, family) but even from living under a rock I've heard of the truck blockade and occupation in Canada and how successful it's currently going. I think this is great (obviously) but I also think that it needs to be stressed that the people that stole life can be forgiven also. It should be understood that we will not move on from the virus until we stop talking about it. Institutions are quietly dropping the mandates so let them escape with some of their reputation intact. We want to live in the same story with them albeit with a say.

§2 Personal

2.0 I've started to ask myself why I put things off. This week for I was supposed to do a lot of basic things that don't require that much effort, doesn't take that much time, and are hugely important. I needed to sign up for classes, get my stuff out of storage, sign up for a bus service, send emails out to a few people asking for advise, make some medical appointments ― but didn't end up doing any of them. Instead I just read some of my books and edited my writing. It's not that I forgot, in the back of my mind I was telling myself that I needed to get these things done but I always told myself that I was just going to wait another hour. When people called and asked If I got these things done I lied and told that I forgot.

2.1 I've always considered myself strong-willed so the obvious answer that came to me in the last hour ― that I'm anxious ― put smile on my face. Of course I am! I don't want to do these things because they are uncomfortable, unpleasant, and have an uncertain outcome. It's not the sexy excuse that I've been telling myself that I'm obsessed over a project ― I'm not really working on anything right now.

2.2 I have no choice but to get these things done then, I can't tell myself the lie that I'm obsessed over a project or that I forgot.

Anxiety and forgiveness